Prof. Dr. Nasoha Saabin

Marriage is a contract that binds a man known as a husband and a woman known as a wife. There is a set of responsibilities each imposed on both sides. As long as these responsibilities are fulfilled by husband and wife, the marriage will be orderly and intact. So as to be able to fulfil their respective responsibilities, husband and wife must have ‘iman’. Without ‘iman’ a person will not be able to fulfil the responsibilities as a wife and husband and the marriage contract will end in divorce. They end up in divorce because they want to solve their problems. In reality, divorce does not solve problems because the core of the problems arises from the fact that both sides do not want to obey the orders of Allah. As long as both sides continue to disobey the orders of Allah, even after they are divorced, they will continue to have problems. Many couples end up in divorces but after the divorce they end up in more problems. Divorce does not solve their problems, but divorce will lead them to more problems when they continue to disobey the orders of Allah. Whenever we disobey the orders of Allah, we will have problems and the more we disobey the orders of Allah, the more problems we will have. If we do not want problems, we should obey the orders of Allah. But why do people disobey the orders of Allah? People disobey the orders of Allah because they do not have the greatness of Allah in their heart and in their mind. Why do we not have the greatness of Allah in our mind and heart? It is because the greatness of Allah is not in our daily speeches. What we have in our heart and mind is the greatness of this world as the talk of the greatness of this world is always in our speeches. We will only obey the orders of Allah if we can foresee some worldly benefits. When we have marital problems, we should not think that only divorce can solve them. Divorce does not solve our problems at all and we should not even consider that option. Our marriage problems will only be solved by Allah and Allah will solve our problems when both of us turn to the obedience of the orders of Allah. In order to obey the orders of Allah both sides needs ‘iman’.
Why many marriages end up in divorce? Once we know the reasons, we may probably know the solution to prevent more occurrences of divorce among Muslim couples. As love is the common attribute that binds a woman and a man in marriage, hatred is the common attribute that makes a man and a woman to break off and a married couple to end up in divorce. Hatred is caused by the penchant to look at the bad side of someone, while love is caused by the inclination to look at the good side of someone. Husband and wife are two individuals who come into constant contact with each other. Before we become husband and wife, we are in love with each other. During that time we hardly had the time to meet each other and when we have the opportunity to meet, we have only time to observe the good side of each other. During courtship, we only observe the good side of our partner, and we will always talk about the positive side of our relationship. However once we become husband and wife, we start to observe the bad sides of each other as well, and our talks involve the negative sides of our relationship. When we are in the habit of observing the bad sides of our partner, we are in fact nurturing hatred between each other. Hatred stimulates stress and unhappiness in us. We have to know that no one is born in this world with perfection. Everyone in this world has weaknesses. When men make mistakes and ask for forgiveness from Allah, Allah loves the action very much. Allah makes men to have weaknesses, and when men make mistakes Allah want them to ask forgiveness from Allah. Allah loves the actions of men who, when they make mistakes, they ask forgiveness from Allah. If we do not like the bad qualities of our partner, we can never find anyone to replace him or her in the world without any bad qualities. Our husbands and our wives are the means Allah use to test us. Allah has made us to marry him or her, and with the grace of Allah we become husband and wife. What Allah ordered us to do is to look at the good qualities of our partners and to nurture love of each other. When we accidentally observe the bad qualities of our partner, Allah ordered us to do something so that the bad qualities of our partner are removed from him or her. We can choose either to do it by using the power of actions or by using the power of talking or at the very least by using the power of our heart. Using the power of our heart means that we are using the power of our ‘‘doa’’ or prayers so that the bad qualities of our partner will be removed by Allah. In my opinion, since nowadays most of us have weak ‘iman’, using the power of our prayers or ‘doa’ is the most recommended method.
Even though both of us have weaknesses but we have to live with the weaknesses of each other and we should continue to live as husband and wife and to exercise patience in all situations. What it means to exercise patience at all time? We have to continue to do good to our partner and to continue making ‘doa’ or prayers so that all the weaknesses in our partners are removed by Allah. We should solve our marital problems by resorting to the obedience to Allah’s orders. We should neither quarrel nor physically or mentally abuse our partners. We should continue to do good to each other’s or at least to remain silent. We should resolve our problems at all time by using prayers or ‘doa’ and be patient. We should remember that there is no one who is able to solve our problems except Allah. Allah will solve our marital problems only through good deeds and prayers, and not through disobedience to the orders of Allah. Divorce is not the solution to our problems but instead serves as a means for us to evade our problems. Ideally we should face off our problems and not run away from them. We should remember that problems are befallen us because of our bad deeds. Allah gives us problems because we have disobeyed the orders of Allah. Allah will solve our problems when we obey the orders of Allah. Our main mistake is we think that we can solve problems by ourselves. We must know that we cannot solve our problems by our own ways. We must have faith that there is no one who can help solve our problems except Allah. Allah will solve our problems when we obey His orders with the intention of only to please Him until He is pleased.
We must strive to easily forgive and forget everything bad that had happen to us in the past. We must also have the humility of asking for forgiveness from our partner, whether when we make mistakes or not. Either way, we will not lose anything by asking for forgiveness from our partner. When we make mistakes and ask for forgiveness from our partner, Allah will elevate our position. If we want to resolve our problems by having divorce and to try to find someone who is perfect in the world, we will never find one. There is no woman or man in the world who has no weaknesses. We have to live with each other’s weaknesses and with patience and at the same time we have to continue making prayers or ‘doa’ to Allah with the intention to please Allah, so that Allah will remove or minimise each other’s weaknesses. Divorce is not the means to solve our problems, but obedience to the orders of Allah is. In order to be always in the obedience to the orders of Allah, we need ‘iman’. Our ‘iman’ will increase when we do the work of the Prophet S.A.W. Unfortunately today the work of the Prophet S.A.W. has been forgotten almost by all Muslims. Consequently the ‘iman’ of almost all Muslims women and men are weak. Muslims generally are not able to obey all the orders of Allah. As a result, Muslim couples normally resort to divorce as to resolve their marriage problems. As many Muslim women are able to earn a living, and coupled with the factor of weak ‘iman’, the number of divorce cases among Muslims is on the increase.
One other bad habit that many of us have particularly towards our spouse is to have bad thought of each other. We nurture those bad thoughts without disclosing it to our partner. Allah forbids us from nurturing bad thoughts towards our spouse and the moment we have bad thoughts towards each other, we must clarify those thoughts by confronting our partners and having an open discussion with him or her. If our husband has an affair, discuss with him openly. If he needs to have another wife, let him marry her. Oblige him to sign a written document, witnessed by a lawyer, that he will be just and fair to both wives. We should not be overly worried about love but we should be concerned with justice and fairness. Love is not within the control of the husband, but to be just and fair is within his choice and ability. We should not feel jealous if our husband loves the other wife more than us. We really do not need the love of the creations but what we really need is the love of Allah. Whether our husband loves us or not is not important but what is important is the love of Allah. We do not have to demand love from our husband as he cannot give love to us, but we must demand justice and fairness as he is capable of doing what Allah has ordered him to do. When our husband cannot do justice, then to marry one is better for our husband as Allah has mentioned in the Quran. Many a times when a husband intends to take another wife, his wife becomes very sad and start to ask for a divorce from him. This is not the best solution as it will lead to more problems. Allah does not favour a wife who asks for a divorce from her husband without any valid reason. Allah has allowed a man to marry more than one wife. Hence to ask for a divorce simply because the husband wants to marry another wife is invalid in Islam. Women cannot go against the law of Allah and they should not fight for polygamy to be abolished. Instead they must fight for justice in polygamy. Divorce for valid reasons is allowed in Islam but it is hated by Allah.
Prof Dr Nasoha Saabin
September 2011
Integrative Holistic Wellness Centre

Houses are indeed a need to everyone and not a luxury. Men need houses or shelters in order to protect themselves from the rain and the sun. All newly married couples wishes to have a new house of their own. The demand of houses is always high because everyone wants to have houses of their own. As our population grows, accordingly the demand of houses also grows. The demand of houses increases as our population increases. As our population grows, the area of land to built houses decreases and the price of land increases. As the price of lands increases, accordingly the price of houses also increases. In some cities such as Hong Kong and Singapore, the prices of the houses are very expensive. In those cities, people are forced to live in high rise apartments or flats, instead of houses. High rise flats or apartments are built in those cities in order to compensate for the increase in population and the decreases in land areas. In those cities, prices of the houses are very expensive and only the super rich can afford to live in houses. In Malaysia, particularly in Kuala Lumpur, the prices of houses are soaring high. An average income earner will not be able to buy a house in Kuala Lumpur.
As for example, a normal terrace house of three bedrooms in Kuala Lumpur will costs about two hundred and seventy thousands ringgit. A house in Kuala Lumpur which previously costs about nine thousand ringgit three decades ago is now costs about two hundred thousands ringgit. In order to buy house of such prices a person need to obtain a bank loan of more than two hundred thousands ringgit and with this amount of loan, a person on the average, will have to pay a monthly installment of about one thousand five hundred ringgit. Beside the house, a person in Kuala Lumpur also needs to pay a monthly installment of about eight hundred ringgit for the car. On the average, a person in Kuala Lumpur will have to pay more than two thousand ringgit monthly only for the car and the house to the bank. A typical family of three children in Kuala Lumpur will have to spend about three thousand ringgit on car loan and the house, about one thousand ringgit on food and other needs of the house, another thousand ringgit on petrol, medical and education making the total monthly expenditure of a typical family of three children in Kuala Lumpur to an average of five thousand ringgit.
Thus, in average the spending requirement of a family of three children in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia is about five thousand ringgit. In order to obtain a monthly income of more than five thousand ringgit in a month, both husband and wife will have to find job that will give them the total earning of more than five thousand ringgit in a month. This is the monthly expenditure of an average income earner of a family of three children in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. With an increase in the population in the next decade, the price of an average house in Kuala Lumpur will probably be double the price from what it is now. The prices of houses depend on the demand. As the population grows, the demand of houses will increase and accordingly the prices of houses will continue to increase. But, will the income of an average income earners in Kuala Lumpur in the next decade also increase? Usually there is a limit to the increase in salaries of workers, but probably there is no limit to the increase in the prices of the houses. When the locals cannot afford to buy the houses, the houses will be sold to the rich foreigners who would like to make Malaysia as their second homes. Most of our contractors only want to sell their houses at the highest price possible. According to the contractors, it is irrelevant whether the houses are sold to the locals or the foreigners. As long as the houses are saleable to the public, the contractors will continue to build expensive houses. As the contractors are only interested in making money and so they are more interested in building expensive houses. When the houses are very expensive, only the very rich locals or the rich foreigners will be able to buy the houses. In Malaysia there is a policy of making Malaysia as the second homes. Why our government is making this policy? This policy is made in order to enable the rich foreigners to buy very expensive houses in Malaysia. Our contractors are becoming more interested in building expensive houses rather than to build low cost houses. When they built expensive houses, they will make bigger profit. More and more Singaporeans are buying houses in Malaysia. I think if this policy continues and not put to a stop, a time will come where more foreigners own expensive houses than the locals. Malaysian government allows foreigners to buy houses in Malaysia just because our contractors are building houses which are too expensive for even the rich locals to buy.
What about the houses for the low and average income earners? Who will build low cost houses? Is there any contractor who is interested in building low cost houses? All our contractors are interested in building expensive houses. It is normal that all men, with the exception of the few real believers, wanted to become richer than all other men in this world. It is also normal that all men with the exception of the real believers will never be satisfied with whatever money they have. Men always want to have more wealth and more money. When there are opportunities to become rich, all men except the real believers will take the opportunities to become rich. All men with the exception of the real believers think and believe that the more money I have, the more successful I become. Our contractors are all normal human being, who want to have more and more money. Our contractors will not easily be persuaded into building low cost houses because it does not generate more money to them. The government will not be able to persuade them into building more low cost houses as no one wants to do projects which do not give them a large profit margin. If nothing is done by the government to control the situation, a time will come in Malaysia; where there will be only houses for the rich and none for the poor and the low income earners.
Who will build the houses for the poor and the low income group? How would the poor and the low income group be able to buy houses which are too expensive for them to buy? In any countries in the world, there are always more poor and the low income earners than the rich. The poor and the low income group are important group in our communities. We need the poor and the low income group to become the workers of the factories which belong to the rich. We need the low income group to work in our farms and supermarkets. Our government has to build houses for them to live. Our government has made mistake by requesting the private sectors to build houses for the poor and the low income groups. When the contractors build the low cost houses, they also think of money and not of services. Although the houses should only be bought by the poor and the low income groups but to the contractors whoever comes first with the money, the houses will be sold to them, irrespective whether they are poor or rich. As usual those who are rich want to become even richer. The rich also want to buy the low cost houses as an investment. The rich want to buy the low cost houses and then rent the houses to the low income group. At the end even the low cost houses are owned by the rich. The poor and the low income earners will have to live on rented apartments belong to the rich. Currently this is the situation in Malaysia. The poor and the low income groups are not able to own their own houses and they rent apartment and flats belong to the rich and the rich will live in bungalows. In this way the rich becomes richer and the poor and low income earners continue to live in rented houses belong to the rich, until they die.
The prices of any commodities will be determined by the law of supply and demand. The more the commodities is demanded, the higher the prices of those commodities. Houses are certainly not a luxury items. Everyone needs house in order to be able to live comfortably. Houses are included in the items which are called needs of men. Allah ordered men to work in order to fulfill their needs. Houses are one of the most important needs of men. What our governments do to provide houses to the poor and the low income earners? Our government only persuades the private contractors to built low cost houses for the poor and the low income earners. This is not good governance. Do our government control or monitor who the buyers of the low cost houses are? Our government does not control or monitor who the buyers of the low cost houses are. Our government does not have any control on the private contractors who build the low cost houses. Our government is only interested to have the tax money of the contractors. Does our government help the poor and the low income groups to buy houses? Both the government and the banks are not helping the poor and the low income group to buy houses. Banks give loans to buy houses only to those who have collateral. Only the rich can provides collateral to the bank and so only the rich in Malaysia can buy houses. The rich will buy the low cost houses and rented it to the poor or the low income earners. Who own the houses? At the end of the day, only the rich who owns houses while the poor and the low income earners will live in rented houses.
Although Malaysian government did build low cost houses for the poor and the low income group but the government does not want to sell those houses to them. Some of them have been renting the houses from the government for more than ten years and yet they are not able to own the houses. It was only recently, when the government decided to sell those flats which had been rented to the poor for so many years. Why it was not done before? Many believe it is an election campaign of this current Barisan government. Our government should have known that everyone in Malaysia should have their own houses long time ago. Houses are human needs and are not luxury commodities. A good and responsible government should provide opportunities for each of its citizen to have his or her own houses. I have been traveling quite often to many parts of Malaysia. I have seen many Malaysians particularly those who lives in Sabah, Terengganu, Kelantan and Sarawak, live in houses which are in very poor condition and not suitable for people to live. Government of Malaysia should take the responsibility to build houses for its citizens particularly those who are poor and come from the low income group. Houses are important needs of the peoples and the government must ensure that every citizens of the country own houses. Government of Malaysia should not have given the responsibility to build low cost houses to the private housing contractors. Private housing contractors should be allowed only to build houses for the rich while the government should take the responsibility to build houses for the poor and the low income earners. Government should ensure every citizen of Malaysia to own dissent houses, which comply with certain standards, the standards which are also in line with the standard of houses in other countries.
Does Malaysia have standards for building houses? I don’t think Malaysia has standards for houses. In Malaysia everyone can build houses to whatever standards they want. In order for Malaysia to become a progressive country, houses in Malaysia should be built in accordance to housing standards of an advance and progressive countries. In order to become a progressive country, everything made or build in Malaysia must follow certain standards which are in line with the standards of other progressive countries in this world. Malaysia may have its own standards but the standards must be at par with the standards used by other progressive and advance countries. I think Malaysia is in the process of establishing standards in various technical areas but I am sure Malaysia does not have standards for houses. What is currently being practiced in Malaysia does not seem to suggest that neither Malaysia has its own standards for houses nor is in the process of implementing standards for building houses. What should be the standards for houses in Malaysia? In order to establish the standards, we have to take into consideration the culture, habits and the religion of most Malaysians.
Let take an example of average Malay, Muslim family in Malaysia. Usually an average Malay and Muslims family in Malaysia consists of about five to six individuals, which include the father and the mother and three to four other children. In case one room of the house is for the father and the mother, there should be at least another three rooms for the children. All rooms should be of equal size that should be able to accommodate at least two persons in the room. According to Islam, the boys and the girls must be placed in separate rooms. Beside the bedrooms, there should be another three other rooms, which include the toilet and bathroom, a large living room, kitchen and dining room. In other words a standard house in Malaysia should have at least seven rooms. Whether the houses are of flats or apartments or single story houses, it must have the minimum number of seven rooms. Beside the adequate number of rooms the houses should be made from materials which are of standard quality, comply with international standards and the houses must be painted with standard paints which should also comply with international standards.
How can the government implement the policy; everyone to own houses? I think the Government should form a housing company specifically responsible for building low cost houses for the poor and the low income group. Initially the company is wholly owned by the government but later on the company can be owned by the public. The starting working capital of the company comes from the government. In the beginning, the main shareholder of the company is the government. The main task of the company is only to build new houses and to repair old houses for the poor and the low income earners of the country. The poor and the low income earners will buy the houses from the banks that operate on true Islamic principles and the government must own the bank. They will pay the monthly rent to the bank which is the amount equivalent to monthly installment of the houses to the bank. The bank will buy the houses from the government at cost price and in turn will sell the houses to the peoples with no profit. When the buyers have paid the entire monthly installment in the numbers of years as agreed with the bank, the ownership of the house will be transferred to the buyer. In this way the poor also can own houses. Government should make houses just for the service of the peoples. Government belongs to the peoples and the main responsibility of the government is not to make profit but to serve peoples.
As with other companies in a country which practice Islamic principles, government should sells all the shares of the company which belongs to the government finally to the workers of the company. A time will come when the ownership of the company is transferred to the workers of the company. When the shareholders of the company are not only from the government but also from the workers of the company, the company at that time can sell the houses to the bank with some profit of not more than 10 % of the cost price. According to the Islamic principles, 2/3 of the profit of the company should be given to the workers and 1/3 of the profit should be shared equally between the government and the shareholders of the company. When government is involved in building and providing houses to the poor and the low income earners, the price of the houses for this class of the society will always be maintain at the price which is affordable to the poor and the low income group. In this way everyone in Malaysia can own houses and all the houses are following standards which comply with the standards of houses in other progressive countries. Houses are the basic need of men. There is no point in becoming a progressive country only on the basis of per capital income, when there are so many Malaysians living in rented houses or houses not build according to international standards. When the above suggestions which I have made are adopted by the government of Malaysia, a time will come when everyone in Malaysia enjoy living in their own beautiful, dissent and practical houses and couple with the good roads that we currently have, I believe we will definitely make the outward appearance of Malaysia really similar to other advance and progressive nations of the world.
Prof Dr Nasoha Saabin
August 2012
Integrative Holistic Wellness Centre

Love is blind. What does it mean? It means we love someone without any valid reasons. We fall in love with someone and we do not know the reason why we have fallen in love with him or her. Most people forget that the one that put the love towards him or her in our heart is none other than the Creator of men. There is no one that can grant love other than Allah. Allah is the one who places love towards someone in our heart beyond our control. We can neither increase nor decrease the amount of love towards someone in our heart except with the permission of Allah. Allah places love into the heart of all mothers towards their children. Allah uses love as a means to protect and to nourish the young helpless children. A mother can endure many nights without sleep, to feed and to tend to her crying child because Allah has instilled love towards that child inside her heart. No one can instil that love except Allah. When Allah plants love inside our heart towards someone we will not be able to find the reasons, why we have loved that person. We can neither love nor not to love someone with our own choice. We simply do not have the choice. When Allah has planted love towards someone in our heart, we have no choice but to love that person. Allah instils in our heart love towards someone as a test for us. We are also tested in the same manner when Allah gives us wealth and power. Allah is testing us so that we can gauge our level of faith (iman). We will know that our ‘iman’ is weak when we transgress the Allah’s orders.
One of the important attributes that Allah use to test us is love. As an example, Allah made a married man and a married woman to fall in love with each other. In this situation both the man and the woman are being tested by Allah. Allah is testing both of them by making them to fall in love with each other. If both of them have strong ‘iman’, they will not transgress the orders of Allah. There is nothing wrong to fall in love with each other, but what is wrong is to transgress the orders of Allah. In case both of them have weak ‘iman’, they will certainly transgress the orders of Allah by involving themselves in illicit sexual activities. We like to touch someone we love, and touching is the expression of our love towards that someone. It is hard to love someone and yet we cannot touch him or her. One of the ways to demonstrate our love for that someone is by kissing that person. Allah prohibits a man to kiss a woman who is not his ‘muhrim’ and vice versa. The act of a man kissing a woman who is not his ‘muhrim’ is a minor sin but it may lead to a major sins. Allah prohibits all actions that may lead to the performance of major sins. Once a man touches a woman by the lips it may lead him to touch all other parts of the woman’s body, including her private parts and may finally lead to both of them committing illicit sexual intercourse. When both of them transgress the orders of Allah, both of them have failed the test from Allah. Allah is the one who puts love towards the woman into the heart of the man and similarly Allah is the one that puts love towards the man into the heart of the woman and both are tested by Allah. When they first met, they may only like each other but as more contacts are made, it slowly turns into love towards each other. Allah does not prohibit us from loving each other. What Allah prohibits is for a man to touch a woman who is not his ‘muhrim’ even though he loves that woman as these actions may lead to the performance of major sins.
Will love lead to marriage? We may love someone but it is not necessary that we will end up marrying that person. Allah is the One that makes us fall in love with a person and Allah is the One who can will us to marry that person. None has the power to instil love towards a person into our heart except Allah and only Him can make us marry the person. By Allah’s will we may fall in love with someone. But love does not have the power to make us marry that person. Love is only the creation of Allah who has the power to plant it in our heart. None has the power to determine our marriage except by Allah. Allah can make us marry someone whom we do not love at all. Allah may or may not let us marry those whom we love. It is Allah and not love that will us to marry, and this is known as ‘jodoh’ in Malay. When we have no ‘jodoh’ with someone we will not be able to marry him or her. We may make all the efforts to marry our lover but if Allah does not allow us to marry that person, we will not be able to marry him or her. Many people are not aware of the fact that none can will us to marry someone except Allah. Love cannot make us to marry but Allah can. Allah can make us to marry someone that we do not love and someone that we love. A woman was saying to my friend that she will never, ever marry him because she does not love him. It is wrong to say that we will never ever marry someone that we do not love as love is not Allah. It is only Allah who has the power to make us marry. When we believe that love has the power to make us marry, we will become frustrated and sad when we cannot marry our beloved.
Many young women and men suffer from frustration and sadness because they cannot marry their lovers. Some of them even go to the extent of committing suicide. We became frustrated and desperate when we are unable to marry our lover because we believe that love has the power to make us marry that person. We should know that love and marriage are two different and unrelated things. We may fall in love with each other but we may not end up marrying each other. On the other hand we may get married to someone whom we do not love. We may love our husband but our husband may not love us and similarly we may love our wives but our wives may not love us. Marriage is only a contract between a woman and a man who are not necessarily in love with each other. When Allah has destined us to marry someone that we love or do not love, we have no choice but to marry that person. It is a success when we can marry the person that we love and it is not a failure when we have to marry the person that we do not love. Marriage is only a contract and when we fulfil the orders of Allah we will be successful. Our reason of marrying should be only because it is an order of Allah and our intention of marrying should be only to please Allah. We should not marry because we are in love and our intention of marrying should not be to please our partner. Love is a creation of Allah and it can come and go. When we marry because we are in love, our marriage will remain intact as long as we are in love with each other. When we found out that we are no longer in love with each other, our marriage will end up in divorce.
The only reason why we must marry is because it is Allah’s order and our intention of getting married is only to please Allah. We marry because we want to exhibits the orders of Allah. We do not have to be in love before we can get married. Marriage is an order of Allah and it is a contract between man and woman to live in accordance with the orders of Allah. It should not be the end of our life if we find out that our wives or husbands do not love us anymore. The prerequisite of marriage is not love, but ‘iman’. When married couples have iman, they will be able to obey all the orders of Allah relating to marriage. When there is obedience to Allah’s orders, He will bless our marriage with peace and happiness. When we get married because we are in love with each other, our marriage will last as long as we are in love. The moment we discover that the love between us is fading; we may also find that it is no longer worthwhile to continue with the marriage. Therefore, we must correct our intention in marrying our partners. We cannot be in love forever as love is a creation of Allah and Allah can put the love into our heart or take it out as He wills. Love is not God. Love is created by Allah. Love is the same as hatred. Allah is testing us with love and hatred. In all situations whether we are in love or not in love with our partner we have to continue marrying our partner. We should not choose divorce as the solution to our problems. As long as we obey the orders of Allah in whatever situation we are in, we are considered successful.
When our husband wants to take another wife, we should allow it because may be it is an order of Allah for our husband to have more than one wife. We should not go against the orders of Allah and we should not go against Allah. When we do not allow our husband to marry another woman when there is an order of Allah for him to do that, we are actually going against the order of Allah, Hence, we are going against Allah. Love is not the same as sexual needs. Our husband may have more sexual needs than other men and he may need to marry more than one wife. It does not mean that he no longer loves us. Love and sexual needs are two different things. A man can have sexual relationship even to a woman whom he does not love. Our husband may still love us but for his sexual needs he needs another wife. Many women will ask for a divorce when she discovers that her husband intends to marry another woman because she thinks that her husband does not love her any more. That is not true and even if her husband does not love her any more, she should not ask for a divorce. We do not need the love of our husband to be able to live happily and successful. The only love that we need in order to be able to live with happily and successfully is the love of Allah. If our husband wants to take another wife, we should not think that it is the end of our life. As long as we obey the orders of Allah as a wife to our husband we will be successful. The most important criteria for our husband to marry more than one wife is not the amount of wealth that he has but the amount of ‘iman’ .When our husbands have strong ‘iman’, they can marry more than one wife, because only those with strong ‘iman’ can obey the orders of Allah. Allah says in the Quran (approximate literal translation), “Marry one, two, three or four but if you fear injustice marry only one.” In order to do justice, a person needs to have strong ‘iman’ and so only man with strong ‘iman’ can take more than one wife. Because we neglect the factor of ‘iman’ in deciding whether a person is eligible to marry more than one wife, many polygamous marriages end up with failure. If we cannot be just to our wives, it is better to have just one wife. On the other hand, if we can be just to our wives, then to be polygamous is better than monogamous. Therefore, it is advisable for a man with strong ‘iman’, good character and sound Islamic knowledge to be polygamous.
Allah allows our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. to marry as many ladies as he likes, and he ended up marrying eleven fortunate ladies. Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. did not get married because of love or because of sexual needs but because of the order of Allah and to please Allah. What is important is our love towards Allah. We may love other beings but our love towards them must not exceed our love for Allah. If we have to marry someone we do not love, do not be overly worried about it. It is not the end of our life. Love is only a bonus in marriage; it is not the prerequisite of marriage. The most important prerequisite for marriage is ‘iman’ and when we have ‘iman’ we can obey the orders of Allah and become successful. If we have love for each other and lacking in ‘iman’, we will not be able to introduce the orders of Allah in our marriage. As a result we will become failures. We should not be excessive in our wedding ceremony as some of our artists do. Marriage is an action or ‘amal’ and it is the same as the other actions or ‘amals’ ordered by Allah. By comparison the order of marriage is a lesser order than the actions or amals associated with the Five Pillars of Islam. Our wedding ceremony should be very simple and economical so that it will receive more blessing from Allah as opposed to the extravagant ones. If we want our marriage to be blessed by Allah, we should only marry because it is the order of Allah and to please Allah. A marriage that start with the correct intention will lasts a lifetime.
Prof Dr Nasoha Saabin
August 2011
Integrative Holistic Wellness Centre

My first visit to Bengkulu was in 1998 and I was there for nearly one month. My last visit to Bengkulu was just recently that was during the Labour Day holiday. Bengkulu is a province in Indonesia that located in the west-south of Sumatra. The province is surrounded by hilly mountains and the access to the province is mainly through roads along the coastal areas and crossing the hilly mountainous areas. The roads along the mountainous areas are narrow and winding but all the drivers that drive along the narrow winding roads seems to be so proficient and careful. Bengkulu is the place of my ancestors. Both of my grandmothers on my father and mother sides came from Bengkulu. My grandmothers left Bengkulu in the early twentieth century with the hope of finding a new greener pastures in Malaysia. In those days, Malaysia was known as Klang, because Klang was the first seaport in Peninsular Malaya. In those days my grandmothers and all others who want to migrate to Malaysia would say that they wanted to live in Klang. My father used to tell me that the reasons why my grandfathers want to come to live in Klang were that the life in Bengkulu was very hard and difficult. Bengkulu was once under the control of British and with the signing of the treaty of Bangkok between the British and the Dutch, Bengkulu was given to the Dutch in exchanged with Malacca. My grandmother used to tell my father that life under the control of British was much better than under the Dutch. Under the control of the Dutch, my grandparents had to pay taxes for their head and they were forced to do hard labour in the plantations with very meagre pay. My grandparents decided to leave Bengkulu and migrate to Klang because they want to live under the control of the British and not under the control of the Dutch. Sir Stamford Raffles was in Bengkulu and when he wanted to open up Singapore, he took peoples from Bengkulu to help him. Some of these Bengkulu peoples crossed over to the Peninsula Malaya and some settled in Gemas, Negeri Sembilan while others moved upwards and settled in Sungai Choh, Rawang, Selangor. The migration of Bengkulu peoples over to Peninsula Malaya probably took place during the late of nineteen century.

Bengkulu peoples belong to the Malay race and they speak Malay in their own dialect. Bahasa Melayu Bengkulu probably has the influence of the Javanese language and this happens because of intermarriage between the Malays and Javanese people in Bengkulu. It was believed that a Prince from Majapahit ran away to Palembang and then to Bengkulu and married with one of the princess of Bengkulu Malay Sultanate of Air Hitam. It is believed that the Lembak Malay peoples of Bengkulu are descendent of this sultanate and I am descendent of the Lembak peoples. My great grandfather on the father side was the Basirah or the leader of his communities and he owns a Keris (dagger) and a sword that supposed to be passed down to generations and now the Keris is with me. My elder brothers told me that there used to be many expensive gems and diamond on the Keris cover shield and irresponsible peoples had stolen all. I was also told that many had tried to steal the Keris and the sword from the custody of my family lineage but without success. I was told; whoever tried to steal the Keris will met with some kinds of misfortunes or calamities. My great grandfather who is the Basirah has three sons, two of the sons migrated to Malaysia, and one of them is my grandfather on the father side. My father married my mother in Malaysia, both of my parents belong to the Bengkulu Malay race, we speak the special Bahasa Melayu with Bengkulu dialect and all my brothers and sisters including myself are able to speak the dialect with sufficient proficiency. There are very few Bengkulu Malays in Malaysia and if they do not know how to speak the Malay Bengkulu dialect, they will lose the identity of Bengkulu Malays. Many children of Bengkulu Malays, particularly when one of their parents is not a Bengkulu Malays, all the children would not be able to speak the dialect. Many words in the dialect are Malay words and some of the non-Malay words in the dialect seem to be borrowed from other languages or other Malay dialect. Bengkulu Malays look more often like the Chinese. They usually have very fair white skin and some of Bengkulu women have a very beautiful looking face such as our famous artist and actress, Ms Erra Fazira, who was once the beauty queen of Malaysia. The wife of our Minister Dato’ Seri Utama Rais Yatim, Datin Seri Utama Maznah Rais, who is also a very beautiful woman also belongs to the Malay Bengkulu race. Other famous personality in Malaysia who also belongs to the Bengkulu Malay race is the Government Advocate and Solicitor for Anwar Sodomy case, Dato’ Yusof Zainal Abidin who used to study with me in the same class during our primary education in Sekolah Kebangsaan Sungai Choh. Dato Zainal Sakom, who was once the political secretary to Selangor Mentri Besar, Tan Sri Muhammad Taib, looks very much like a Chinese also belong to Malay Bengkulu race. Many Bengkulu Malays may not be able to speak the Bengkulu Malay dialect anymore and the dialect is fast disappearing. Only those who live in my village known as Kampong Sungai Choh, is still able to speak the dialect. Whenever I have the opportunities, I often speak the dialect and whenever I speak the dialect, I really feel that I am a Malay Bengkulu race. Since my wife does not belong to the Malay Bengkulu race, all my children are able to understand but are not able to speak the dialect.

Bengkulu is a very remote area of Indonesia and it is much-undeveloped province of Indonesia. The roads in Bengkulu are full with potholes and the times of travel that will take about one hour in Malaysia will take about three hours in Bengkulu. Although the lands are fertile and probably have plenty of natural resources, but due to lack of research exploration studies, the rich natural resources remain unused for development of the province. Generally, peoples in Bengkulu live in poverty and only few peoples are rich. Bengkulu Malays in Bengkulu have no financial capability to travel to Malaysia as often as their Malay Bengkulu counterpart in Malaysia to visit Bengkulu in Indonesia. My relatives in Bengkulu live in poverty compare to their Bengkulu counterpart in Malaysia. My grandparents had made the correct decision to migrate to Malaysia. However, since Allah has made the Bengkulu Malays in Malaysia richer, they should help their poor relatives in Bengkulu. Indonesia and Malaysia are belonging to the same roots and they should work closely to help each other. We speak almost the same language, and we have the same religions. In order for Malaysia to help Indonesia to develop, a good communication between Malaysia and Indonesia must be made. Malaysia and Indonesia must built bridges across the Strait of Malacca and roads must be built to connect Peninsula Malaysia and Sumatra and to connect Sumatra with the island of Java. With better communication system between Sumatra and Peninsula Malaysia and Java, Sumatra and Java can be developed. Malaysia and Indonesia must share their resources, technology and manpower in order to develop the regions known as Nusantara. Nusantara is the lands of Malay speaking peoples and the lands of the Muslims that will spread Islam to all over the world.

Malaysia may have the money and the technology but lack of workers. The workers to develop the region can come from Indonesia. Malaysia cannot disjoint Indonesia from her development programme. About 80% of our workers in the Felda schemes come from Indonesia. Indonesia is rich with natural resources and its lands are more fertile and with vigorous research studies and infrastructure developments, we may turn the lands known as Nusantara as lands of opportunities. Nusantara is rich with natural resources such as oil, natural gases, gold, and charcoal. The lands are very fertile for almost all types of plants and vegetables to grow. Malaysian and Indonesian are belong to the same root and we should behave as brothers and sisters and no misunderstanding must lead to hatred. We should be able to solve our problems, like brothers and sisters solving their problems and we should never break our relationship as it used to happen during the confrontation years at the time of Sukarno.

I had been going to Bengkulu to teach them on how to do the work of the Prophet saw and to visit my families since many years and with the grace of Allah, the work of the Prophet saw has started in the town of Bengkulu. My root is in Bengkulu and whatever good I have, I will never forget Bengkulu. One of the people in Bengkulu that I know told me that Bengkulu is the most undeveloped province in Indonesia. I told him, now Bengkulu is the most undeveloped province in Indonesia, but if all of you do the work of the Prophet Muhammad saw, only to please Allah until Allah is pleased, one day, Allah will make Bengkulu to be the most develop province in Indonesia. Now in all over Indonesia, only Bengkulu peoples are doing the work of the Prophet Muhammad saw as the Prophet saw used to do. They visited everyone and every house in any lanes that they are visiting, when meet the Muslims; they will remind them about the meaning of the Great Kalimah and the orders of Allah, and to the non-Muslims, they will invite them to recite the Great Kalimah. In other parts of Indonesia, they are doing the work of Tabligh Jamat which only concerns on the rectification of Muslims by inviting them to spent time for 3 days, 40 days and 4 months. In Indonesia, the non-Muslims are actively inviting the Muslims to become Christians while Muslims are not active in inviting the non-Muslims to become Muslims. According to Indonesian constitution, no one can invite a person with a religion to enter another religion. When a Christian was asked why you invite Muslims to become Christian, the Christian replied that it is their responsibilities given by God, to invite others to their religion. When a Muslims in Indonesia was asked to invite the non-Muslims into Muslims, the Muslim answered that it is against the constitution of the country. Now, we know the answer why there are so many calamities in Indonesia. Allah sent so many calamities to Indonesia because they have neglected the work of the Prophet Muhammad saw. They are not inviting peoples to good and preventing peoples from evils and instead the evil peoples are actively inviting those who have recited the Great Kalimah to betray the Great Kalimah. Wake up Indonesia!

Prof Dr Nasoha Saabin
April 2012
Integrative Holistic Wellness Centre